Sigh, the past few daays totally sucked. Its like all my emotional trauma suddenly caught up and i'm so annoyed with so many things, and like there were lots of depressing things too ><. And I kinda realised that in our lives, some things are really really really hard to endure and bear. And you just feel like you wanna explode and kill everyone next to you, or like you feel like you are a supergiganticblackhole which you just shovel all your problems, feelings and stuff into, so you dont have to deal with it. Budden one day it just can't fit anymore and everything just spews out like a clogged toilet.
Work is kinda going on quite slowly too, since I'm too preoccupied emoing and doing other things to distract me from emoing, which of course eats up a lot of time. Also, I realised that being jealous about what other people seem to have just totally kills you inside, since you know you won't ever get something like that and like reality is just worse than you can imagine. So like you end up hoping for what you won't get....and you feel crappy cuz of that. Ahh wells. Lifes like that...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Random Thoughts IX
Hmm, I guess one think I have come to realise is that there is always a tendency for someone to remain "emo", or rather in a self-defeating manner. It seems like theres a need to feel like "The world hates me! And guess what? Its mutual!", and thus leaving us in our fantasies of being the "tragic hero", making us feel "better" about ourselves. But most often it just keeps us stuck in the vicious cycle of self-loathing, unhappiness and loneliness. Oh well.
But of course there are times when we SHOULD be emo, or depressed, or sad, or whatever you call those negative feelings that seem to originate from the heart rather than the head, for example when loved ones pass away, when the heart seems irreversibly broken, and so on. But otherwise....yeah, it just seems like we are simply trying to portray ourselves as the grossly misunderstood, hence gaining "sympathy points" from others.
Hence, yes, I guess I should strive to be slightly happier? Perhaps a multiplier or accelerator effect will kick in...hmm, I wonder.
But of course there are times when we SHOULD be emo, or depressed, or sad, or whatever you call those negative feelings that seem to originate from the heart rather than the head, for example when loved ones pass away, when the heart seems irreversibly broken, and so on. But otherwise....yeah, it just seems like we are simply trying to portray ourselves as the grossly misunderstood, hence gaining "sympathy points" from others.
Hence, yes, I guess I should strive to be slightly happier? Perhaps a multiplier or accelerator effect will kick in...hmm, I wonder.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Random Thoughts VIII
Lol, I was kinda reading blogs, and was thinking about random things as usual, so oh well, here goes.
Mm, I suppose is really nice seeing how people are trying to do better in life, like be a person better then what they currently are, or like just work to do the best you can with your own life and all, but sigh, I guess it's never ever easy, and like it always takes an effort to be something or someone that you are not (or at least not currently). I guess it's kinda annoying and like very frustrating, cuz like people just don't really see what you are trying to achieve, and like just try to sabotage or put you down, which totally sucks.
But then again, no reason not to keep trying ehh.
Next was how people really really need others around them. Like, I guess I never really thought the saying that "no man is an island" had any truth in it, but like I guess I have slowly come to realise that the best and most successful people in life do not just merely have that personal "push" factor, like the personal drive, determination, and whatever, but I think that the people you get to know and spend time with really makes a big difference!
And its definitely nice to know like once in a while that you're not actually alone in this cold miserable world with its inhabitants with crooked smiles which probably aren't even genuine at all. Hmm, oh well.
Mm, I suppose is really nice seeing how people are trying to do better in life, like be a person better then what they currently are, or like just work to do the best you can with your own life and all, but sigh, I guess it's never ever easy, and like it always takes an effort to be something or someone that you are not (or at least not currently). I guess it's kinda annoying and like very frustrating, cuz like people just don't really see what you are trying to achieve, and like just try to sabotage or put you down, which totally sucks.
But then again, no reason not to keep trying ehh.
Next was how people really really need others around them. Like, I guess I never really thought the saying that "no man is an island" had any truth in it, but like I guess I have slowly come to realise that the best and most successful people in life do not just merely have that personal "push" factor, like the personal drive, determination, and whatever, but I think that the people you get to know and spend time with really makes a big difference!
And its definitely nice to know like once in a while that you're not actually alone in this cold miserable world with its inhabitants with crooked smiles which probably aren't even genuine at all. Hmm, oh well.
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