Why can't I rid myself of my inhibitions? Why is the world so large? Why do people kill each other? Why do we go back on promises? Why do we make empty promises? Why do we even promise at all? Why does the heart hurt when one is sad? Why can't fishes breathe on land? Why does the Earth spin? Why does the heart stop? Why do we feel jealous?
Why doesn't nerve cells grow back? Why do people go hungry? Why are people so dense? Why do ants build better communities which people fail to do? Why do people only talk, when obviously it won't work out? Why do we hold meetings when its proceedings are forgotten in an instant? Why are people blinded by pride?
Why is the heart willing, but the flesh weak? Why do we forget? Why do we exist? Why do we think? Why sometimes we stop to smell the flowers and others we rush to no end? Why is there success and failure when it isn't always clear cut? Why do we desire to be recognized, yet fearing that once we are, we might fall?
Why do we blindly persue what we do not need? Why do we hurt so bad when our love has gone away? Why are we afraid of failing, when we havn't even tried? Why do we only appreciate what we have, when it has gone away? Why do we say the things we say, and do the things we do? Why do we put our trust in the things that don't matter?
So many questions, so little answers.....
Monday, January 25, 2010
Life Update V
Lol, and took me so long to get back here. But then again, it's the life of a student ehh? Like having not enough time to do a lot, or at least not enough time to do what one wants to do...
Anyways, did SATs on Sat, and guess it was kinda okay lah. Trying not to expect too much, so if i happen to do well then it'll be a really pleasent surprise. Also, school is kinda getting boring le... like first 3 weeks was all "yay yay we get to see everyone again! school is so fun to go to! yeah, let's all pwn A lvls!" but by now is like, getting bogged down by the mountains of work. Unfinishable, and like totally annoying to try and clear. I mean like, yeah, giving just enough for you to do is okay lah, but like sometimes when an annoying topic or subjeect comes up, then the amount of momentum needed to get starting is crazy. Thus we all need to find out how to overcome our own inertia! (And i'm not even a physics kid lol)
But at least other stuff is happening, and yeah, it's kinda nice spending some time with some people (though there's never enough of it!).
Anyways, did SATs on Sat, and guess it was kinda okay lah. Trying not to expect too much, so if i happen to do well then it'll be a really pleasent surprise. Also, school is kinda getting boring le... like first 3 weeks was all "yay yay we get to see everyone again! school is so fun to go to! yeah, let's all pwn A lvls!" but by now is like, getting bogged down by the mountains of work. Unfinishable, and like totally annoying to try and clear. I mean like, yeah, giving just enough for you to do is okay lah, but like sometimes when an annoying topic or subjeect comes up, then the amount of momentum needed to get starting is crazy. Thus we all need to find out how to overcome our own inertia! (And i'm not even a physics kid lol)
But at least other stuff is happening, and yeah, it's kinda nice spending some time with some people (though there's never enough of it!).
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Life update IV
Mm, yeah, anyway today was our open house! yay!
But go back to yesterday first. It was bio-test day, and yeah, I didn't have time to study for that one, and I'm kinda sure I screwed up super badly! I was just smoking through qn 1, hoping that my "common sense" would get me some marks lol. 2nd qn was slightly more common sense/easier to recall stuff, so yeah, think 2nd qn was okay, unless I misunderstood it. Yeah. But sorry daniel, get an A? I don't think so >.<
Anyways, get back to today. Mm, yeah yeah for those who know bout me and chorale performance today, good for you. For those who don't, ionno, try to see where I'm coming from, I guess.
So here goes. I think maybe we start getting kinda complacent when he isn't around, so like yeah, the standard isn't really there? I mean truthfully, do we think that if he had conducted us and like taken the pracs we would have the current standard? Yeah, I guess its granted that most of the audience won't be able to hear our mistakes, and like think its totally wonderful and fabulous.
But personally, I don't think that that is an excuse for us not to deliver, right? I mean like, being in a music CCA, aren't we first and foremost meant to MAKE MUSIC? Unless we are like, recre-choir or sth, then yeah, we can just all sing for fun larh. But I feel that we really can do waaaaay waaaaay better if we just put in more effort into it!
Also, I kinda think that sometimes we take for granted some things that we do, such as techniques, details, and even mistakes! Like we believe that when we sing, all the techniques will be there, details will appear, and have no mistakes. But the truth is, most of the time on stage, nothing will appear. Details, if not internalised (which mean done a million times over until it happens automatically magically), will just remain as that -- details (like you know that there is a dynamic change there, but when you sing it doesn't happen, or you don't even know the exact dynamic there).
Similarly, all the common mistakes that we seem to repeatedly do, no matter how many times we reherse, or perform, can be taken for granted. Like we get the impression that "we are gonna do it wrongly again anyway, so it doesn't really matter". Like rushing. And breathing points. And even some of the details that "we-think-are-right-but-are-actually-wrong-but-we-don't-know-cuz-we-didn't-bother-checking".
Yeah, I guess it's definitely true that I am guilty of the above sometimes, or even most of the time. But still, I feel that it is a valid point to be raised and to be thought about.
Next, this paragraph is for those who know what I'm talking bout. Mm, yeah I mean it's really nice having loong loong meetings into the night, and enjoying each others companies and stuff, but then again, how much do we remember from our meetings? Do we remember about the part about good influences? Do we just say things that we feel at that time, but after that things remain the same? And are we already at the stage that we feel that we can allow ourselves to distract others? Are we too confident in our own abilities?
Yeah, I guess this is kinda long and emo, but yeah, I think it isn't the first time. And it probably won't be the last, so then what we CAN do, is to constantly remind ourselves. And others. Perhaps then what we can really achieve will astound ourselves, and hopefully even surpass those that have gone before us. But who knows? Who knows?
But go back to yesterday first. It was bio-test day, and yeah, I didn't have time to study for that one, and I'm kinda sure I screwed up super badly! I was just smoking through qn 1, hoping that my "common sense" would get me some marks lol. 2nd qn was slightly more common sense/easier to recall stuff, so yeah, think 2nd qn was okay, unless I misunderstood it. Yeah. But sorry daniel, get an A? I don't think so >.<
Anyways, get back to today. Mm, yeah yeah for those who know bout me and chorale performance today, good for you. For those who don't, ionno, try to see where I'm coming from, I guess.
So here goes. I think maybe we start getting kinda complacent when he isn't around, so like yeah, the standard isn't really there? I mean truthfully, do we think that if he had conducted us and like taken the pracs we would have the current standard? Yeah, I guess its granted that most of the audience won't be able to hear our mistakes, and like think its totally wonderful and fabulous.
But personally, I don't think that that is an excuse for us not to deliver, right? I mean like, being in a music CCA, aren't we first and foremost meant to MAKE MUSIC? Unless we are like, recre-choir or sth, then yeah, we can just all sing for fun larh. But I feel that we really can do waaaaay waaaaay better if we just put in more effort into it!
Also, I kinda think that sometimes we take for granted some things that we do, such as techniques, details, and even mistakes! Like we believe that when we sing, all the techniques will be there, details will appear, and have no mistakes. But the truth is, most of the time on stage, nothing will appear. Details, if not internalised (which mean done a million times over until it happens automatically magically), will just remain as that -- details (like you know that there is a dynamic change there, but when you sing it doesn't happen, or you don't even know the exact dynamic there).
Similarly, all the common mistakes that we seem to repeatedly do, no matter how many times we reherse, or perform, can be taken for granted. Like we get the impression that "we are gonna do it wrongly again anyway, so it doesn't really matter". Like rushing. And breathing points. And even some of the details that "we-think-are-right-but-are-actually-wrong-but-we-don't-know-cuz-we-didn't-bother-checking".
Yeah, I guess it's definitely true that I am guilty of the above sometimes, or even most of the time. But still, I feel that it is a valid point to be raised and to be thought about.
Next, this paragraph is for those who know what I'm talking bout. Mm, yeah I mean it's really nice having loong loong meetings into the night, and enjoying each others companies and stuff, but then again, how much do we remember from our meetings? Do we remember about the part about good influences? Do we just say things that we feel at that time, but after that things remain the same? And are we already at the stage that we feel that we can allow ourselves to distract others? Are we too confident in our own abilities?
Yeah, I guess this is kinda long and emo, but yeah, I think it isn't the first time. And it probably won't be the last, so then what we CAN do, is to constantly remind ourselves. And others. Perhaps then what we can really achieve will astound ourselves, and hopefully even surpass those that have gone before us. But who knows? Who knows?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Random Thoughts VI
Sigh, I know that this blog isn't meant to be like, my emo avenue, or just somewhere to rant and rave, but yeah, sometimes I wonder if everything we do, what exactly do we do it for? Have we slowly become so caught up in the process that we have lost sight of what we had set out to do? What about everything that we "promised" to do? Have they already been broken, as easliy as glass does when someone drops it? Why do we say "okay" when we don't mean it? And why are people so selfish? >.<
Sometimes, do you feel that your life is just living on the sidelines? Just being that not-so-important person, just being the one that people expect to be around constantly, yet pay no attention to, that 'invisible-when-i-don't-need-you-but-visible-when-i-do' kind of person?
Yeah, true, not everyone can be heroes forever, but then again, sidekicks can't stay as sidekicks forever, can they?
Sometimes, do you feel that your life is just living on the sidelines? Just being that not-so-important person, just being the one that people expect to be around constantly, yet pay no attention to, that 'invisible-when-i-don't-need-you-but-visible-when-i-do' kind of person?
Yeah, true, not everyone can be heroes forever, but then again, sidekicks can't stay as sidekicks forever, can they?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Random Thoughts V
RAWR!
Haha, I meant to post like before this, but lotsa stuff came up! Like wanted to post this 2 nights before, but like I was choinging math, and that day I was super tired le (and next day had Chorale!) so gave up and went to sleep.
Anyways, the picnic yest was SUPER FUN! And yay, think I'm slowly starting to warm up to Chorale people lol. Yeah yeah, I still take 1 year to get used to new people, but hey, it's an improvement ya? Haha, so the people who I know are trying to secretly stalk my blog, you know what to do! xD
Yeaps. School is starting. What to do? Dun like, dun want, also must go right? Anyways, I think for now I still haavn't broken my resolutions yet! (which is amazing. it's a record!) But hope I'll continue and pwn A lvls and everything! YEAH!
But still, life has its downs and annoyances, and yeah, they never fail to try and steal your energy, sucking it all up like a delicious bowl of mee. So how do we combat against this energy thief? (Since energy cannot be gained or lost, only stolen!) I guess one of the ways I've found quite useful, is to RANT it all out to someone who listens (or pretends to listen). Or cry it out. Or not. But still, it's good to find your own personal way to steal all the energy back, and you'll be Refreshed! Renewed! Rejuvenated! and ready to take on everything! (Or at least the next minute, before you start freaking out again xD).
But yeah, hope everyone will continue to work hard this year, and JIAYOU FOR EVERYTHING! YAY!
Haha, I meant to post like before this, but lotsa stuff came up! Like wanted to post this 2 nights before, but like I was choinging math, and that day I was super tired le (and next day had Chorale!) so gave up and went to sleep.
Anyways, the picnic yest was SUPER FUN! And yay, think I'm slowly starting to warm up to Chorale people lol. Yeah yeah, I still take 1 year to get used to new people, but hey, it's an improvement ya? Haha, so the people who I know are trying to secretly stalk my blog, you know what to do! xD
Yeaps. School is starting. What to do? Dun like, dun want, also must go right? Anyways, I think for now I still haavn't broken my resolutions yet! (which is amazing. it's a record!) But hope I'll continue and pwn A lvls and everything! YEAH!
But still, life has its downs and annoyances, and yeah, they never fail to try and steal your energy, sucking it all up like a delicious bowl of mee. So how do we combat against this energy thief? (Since energy cannot be gained or lost, only stolen!) I guess one of the ways I've found quite useful, is to RANT it all out to someone who listens (or pretends to listen). Or cry it out. Or not. But still, it's good to find your own personal way to steal all the energy back, and you'll be Refreshed! Renewed! Rejuvenated! and ready to take on everything! (Or at least the next minute, before you start freaking out again xD).
But yeah, hope everyone will continue to work hard this year, and JIAYOU FOR EVERYTHING! YAY!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
New year's resolutions
Lol, so it would seem that some loyal members have continued to visit my blog even after my super long hiatus! Freeeaaaky. Anyways, I'm posting this 10 mins before New Year! (as of now). And I guess as people start making their new year resolutions, I should too!
1) I resolve to mug/study/slackless/usemytimemorewisely/domorework in the coming year! Well, duh, seeing that it's A lvl year, I'll be insane if I don't do that.
2) I resolve to talk to more people I don't know/talk more to people I know. (Well, it kinda happens every year naturally, but I guess I want it to be a more concious effort? Wait, it actually already is for a few years now, oh well, still counts, doesn't it?)
3) I resolve to be a better (temp) SL (if I'm chosen lah, since dunno why Mr Toh takes so long to decide/announce! zzZ)
4) I resolve to do BETTER in school! (Like get dean's list, but yeah right like real i'll get)
5) I resolve to get at least a SILVER in napfa next year. Well, at least so that I dun need to go to hell early. xD
6) I resolve to exercise more! (Its needed for no.5)
7) I resolve to practice piano more. (At least to pass dip lor, but aiya ionno, sometimes it's like, I lose steam, then no more motivation to practice)
8) I resolve to love my class+chorale more more more! (And of course talk to ppl more lah!)
9) I resolve to break all my new year resolutions! (Since most are kinda impossible anyway, and takes too much effort to maintain, and breaks are needed, right?)
Yeah, so for all the ppl who are expectantly waiting for my post, here it is xD. BTW HAPPY NEW YEAR! 12pm xDDD
1) I resolve to mug/study/slackless/usemytimemorewisely/domorework in the coming year! Well, duh, seeing that it's A lvl year, I'll be insane if I don't do that.
2) I resolve to talk to more people I don't know/talk more to people I know. (Well, it kinda happens every year naturally, but I guess I want it to be a more concious effort? Wait, it actually already is for a few years now, oh well, still counts, doesn't it?)
3) I resolve to be a better (temp) SL (if I'm chosen lah, since dunno why Mr Toh takes so long to decide/announce! zzZ)
4) I resolve to do BETTER in school! (Like get dean's list, but yeah right like real i'll get)
5) I resolve to get at least a SILVER in napfa next year. Well, at least so that I dun need to go to hell early. xD
6) I resolve to exercise more! (Its needed for no.5)
7) I resolve to practice piano more. (At least to pass dip lor, but aiya ionno, sometimes it's like, I lose steam, then no more motivation to practice)
8) I resolve to love my class+chorale more more more! (And of course talk to ppl more lah!)
9) I resolve to break all my new year resolutions! (Since most are kinda impossible anyway, and takes too much effort to maintain, and breaks are needed, right?)
Yeah, so for all the ppl who are expectantly waiting for my post, here it is xD. BTW HAPPY NEW YEAR! 12pm xDDD
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Look at the crowds!
Hmm, was kinda reading through Sean's blog, and thought that maybe i'll start posting about things that randomly pop up iin my mind, and have like some significance and/or importance to me...
Anyways, sigh, kinda agree with him about crowds lah. Like, hating crowds. But maybe I hate them for a different reason? Ionno. Sometimes when theres a big crowd of people, it just feels....oppressive. Suffocating. Like theres just no personal space, no way to hear your own thoughts, and it feels kinda like losing your identity... Its like how theres no "I" in a crowd, only "us" or "them". And I feel that it's cuz of that people start losing their minds... Like everyone starts reverting to their "herd mentality", and when one person does a stupid thing, the rest somehow are all brainless and start to follow... But what can I say? Guess I'm guilty of that once in a while too.
Guess another reason is just cuz of my own personality? Haha, like, I guess I'm just predisposed not to like interacting in like super large social settings where got lots of people one, and like I guess I really do prefer interacting in a super small group setting...but guess if you're reading this you already know that x]. But yeah, I'm still trying to break out of this nice little shell I've got, and though i've kinda been at it for quite long, guess it's slowly but surely tumbling down! So yeah, but guess it would be nice sometimes for others to give a little help, but oh well, can't always expect it, can I?
Anyways, sigh, kinda agree with him about crowds lah. Like, hating crowds. But maybe I hate them for a different reason? Ionno. Sometimes when theres a big crowd of people, it just feels....oppressive. Suffocating. Like theres just no personal space, no way to hear your own thoughts, and it feels kinda like losing your identity... Its like how theres no "I" in a crowd, only "us" or "them". And I feel that it's cuz of that people start losing their minds... Like everyone starts reverting to their "herd mentality", and when one person does a stupid thing, the rest somehow are all brainless and start to follow... But what can I say? Guess I'm guilty of that once in a while too.
Guess another reason is just cuz of my own personality? Haha, like, I guess I'm just predisposed not to like interacting in like super large social settings where got lots of people one, and like I guess I really do prefer interacting in a super small group setting...but guess if you're reading this you already know that x]. But yeah, I'm still trying to break out of this nice little shell I've got, and though i've kinda been at it for quite long, guess it's slowly but surely tumbling down! So yeah, but guess it would be nice sometimes for others to give a little help, but oh well, can't always expect it, can I?
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